We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know: Unlocking the Power of Emotional Intelligence

Is Something Missing?

Do you ever feel like something is holding you back? Have you tried time and time again to break through certain areas of your life, only to find yourself snapping back to where you started—or even further behind? The saying goes, you are your own worst enemy, and there is truth in that. We are the only ones over whom we have complete control. But here’s the good news: for that very same reason, we also have the potential to be our own greatest allies.

So why does it still feel like we’re stuck in an endless cycle of progress and setbacks? Why do we keep running into the same roadblocks despite our best efforts?

The answer lies in a simple but profound truth: we don’t know what we don’t know.

The Frustration of Not Knowing

Years ago, when I worked in IT, I had a client submit a trouble ticket in a panic. By the time I arrived at his desk, he was visibly distressed.

“I think all my emails have been deleted,” he blurted out, “but I swear I didn’t delete anything!”

He went on to explain how important those emails were and asked if there was anything I could do to recover them. As I sat down to diagnose the issue, he hovered anxiously, repeating that he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Long story short, I fixed his problem in just a few moments. It was something incredibly simple. He sighed in relief and thanked me profusely, singing my praises for saving his day. But instead of simply accepting the gratitude, I took a moment to show him exactly what had happened so he could prevent the issue in the future.

This was a minor technical issue, yet it had caused him unnecessary stress and anxiety—all because he didn’t know what he didn’t know.

This kind of situation plays out all the time in different areas of our lives. Maybe it’s with cars, legal paperwork, finances, or even our health. But there is one area where this happens every single day to most people, and yet, it’s rarely addressed: our emotional intelligence.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, EQ (emotional intelligence) can be just as important, if not more important, than IQ in determining success—not just in our careers, but in our overall well-being and happiness.

While programs like Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) are becoming more common in schools across the U.S. and Canada, most of us never had formal training in emotional intelligence. Our education systems are still primarily focused on IQ-based learning, leaving generations of people ill-equipped to navigate their own emotions—let alone those of others.

This leads to situations just like my client’s panic over his missing emails, but on a much grander scale. When we don’t understand our emotions or how to manage them, we can find ourselves overwhelmed, reacting impulsively, or making poor decisions. The frustrating part? We often don’t even realize what’s happening because we don’t know what we don’t know.

The Good News: EQ Can Be Improved

Unlike IQ, which remains relatively stable throughout our lives, emotional intelligence is not fixed. It can be developed, refined, and strengthened over time. IQ measures cognitive abilities like logical reasoning and problem-solving, but EQ is about understanding, managing, and using emotions effectively in daily life.

Research on emotional intelligence is relatively new—the term itself was only coined in 1990—but studies continue to show that a high EQ benefits nearly every aspect of life. From workplace success to relationships, decision-making, and even personal happiness, emotional intelligence plays a crucial role.

And it makes sense. From the moment we are born (and even before), emotions are an intrinsic part of our existence. They influence our thoughts, actions, and interactions with the world. Mastering them is not just a skill—it’s a superpower.

How Emotional Intelligence Can Change Your Life

1. Better Relationships

When you understand your own emotions and can regulate them effectively, you improve your ability to communicate and empathize with others. This leads to stronger personal and professional relationships.

2. Improved Decision-Making

Emotions often cloud judgment. By developing emotional intelligence, you can recognize when your emotions are influencing your decisions and make more rational, level-headed choices.

3. Greater Resilience

Life will always have ups and downs, but emotional intelligence helps you navigate challenges with greater ease. Instead of being overwhelmed by setbacks, you can process them, learn from them, and move forward.

4. Enhanced Career Success

Studies show that individuals with high EQ tend to be better leaders, collaborators, and problem-solvers. Many companies are now prioritizing emotional intelligence in hiring and promotions because it leads to better teamwork and leadership.

5. Reduced Stress and Anxiety

When you understand your emotions, you can manage stress more effectively. Rather than being consumed by worry or frustration, you develop coping mechanisms that allow you to stay calm and focused.

My Journey with Emotional Intelligence

For most of my life, I believed I had a naturally high EQ. I considered myself self-aware, empathetic, and good at handling emotions. But as I began to dive deeper into the subject, I quickly realized that there was so much I didn’t know.

The more I learned, the more I saw tangible improvements in my life—from how I handled conflicts to how I communicated with loved ones. My relationships improved, my stress levels decreased, and I found myself approaching challenges with a newfound sense of clarity and composure.

That’s why I’m passionate about this journey. I want to explore and share insights on emotional intelligence, not just for my own growth, but in the hope that others can benefit as well. Imagine a world where we all became experts in managing our emotions—a world filled with emotionally intelligent individuals who approach life with understanding, empathy, and resilience.

The Takeaway

We don’t know what we don’t know. But when it comes to emotional intelligence, ignorance isn’t bliss—it’s a roadblock to success, happiness, and personal growth. The good news is that EQ can be developed, and every step we take to improve it brings us closer to a more fulfilling life.

So, let’s embark on this journey together. Let’s commit to learning, growing, and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Because the world needs more EQ geniuses walking around—and we have the power to be them.